My experience has been, the older I get, the less I give two shits for approval of me doing me. And, the less shits I give, the more I get to see my authentic self coming out and shining. Sometimes I find myself thinking after something I've written or said or did, "well damn, hello girl, didn't know you had THAT in you, get on with your bad self!". It is SO liberating. But still kinda scary. I'm learning to whittle down the give a fucks, and let people slide out of my life who don't like all the colors of Camille. And that's ok. For far too many years I worked to dampen my light. It was painful and over time life became very dull. Until it wasn't.
What was the shift? Well, it began (quite tritely I might add) with a book. The book was You Are a Baddass by Jen Sincero. I've actually listened to it on Audible at least three times. I guess the major take away, if I had to summarize in one sentence was that it helped me shift my mindset into stepping into the life I wanted. And I realized it was NOT by dulling my sparkle any longer, which I realized as I read that book, I'd been doing for many years. It opened my mind to dare to dream of the possibility I wanted for myself. For my full expression of who I was. Which, actually led to me quitting my job, and opening two thriving businesses less than a year later, but that's a story for another time.
Week by week, month by month, I worked to find out again who I really was, and grow into that person. I did sooo much work to find her! The journey was painful and also so pleasurable. I got in touch with my sexuality, my desire, my spirituality, (very different from religion) my body, my soul, my friendships, my dreams, goals, ambitions; us women are such multi-dimensional beings, aren't we? Some of the changes were subtle, some were measurable and dynamic. The morning-hair-don't-care was definitely one of the more measurable ones. Small, but significant.
Five years ago I would never have woken up at my parents house when visiting them out of town, (or my own home for that matter) and set foot outside my bedroom door with out some serious adjustments before being seen by ANYONE else. I'd correct my morning crazy hair situation, and even putting on some un-noticeable to the naked eye make up, but noticeable to me that there's some pink in these pale cheeks and yesterdays leftover mascara is at least a little covered up with concealer. Now, I step out of bed, look in the mirror and laugh at myself when I see the hair like this hot mess, and even send pics to my mom because it gives her such a chuckle (that's why I had taken this photo). And guess what, my parents, kids, husband don't love me one iota less for showing up like this! Go figure! They actually see it as a true expression of my cray-cray morning hair matching my cray-cray personality. And I'll take that as a compliment thank you very much.
But that's my first steps towards stepping into my true self. Yours may look so different! I challenge you to think about what actions can you take, for more of your authentic self to shine bright. No matter how small. Is there a pair of shoes you just love but aren't the "in" thing right now? Do you just love 90's rock and want to blast it as you pull into the parent pick up line at school? Whatever the thing is. No matter how big or small. There is only 1 you. And the world NEEDS you. Because, there's only 1 of you. xoxo, Camille
